The Worst Handshakes To Give Your Girlfriend's Dad

Meeting your girlfriend’s parents for the first time is an intimidating experience for even the most confident among us, especially when you start thinking about how best to greet them. And let's be honest, going over in your mind all the right things to say and do will only add stress to your life. But one of the most critical steps you cannot ignore is the handshake. We learn so much about a person by the way they shake your hand, so when meeting those parents, the pressure is immediately on. But you can take a little stress off yourself by absolutely ruling out these handshakes when you're introduced to your girlfriend’s father for the first time:

The High Five

High fives are great. They are the golden standard for casual greetings. They're like five quick tiny finger hugs between two hands that love each other. But unless you want to be left hanging up top, don’t make the tactical error of going in for the high five when meeting you beau’s father for the first time.

Or, if you want to imagine an even worse scenario, think about this: You go in for the high five, he accepts, and high fives you back ... but it is a super awkward high five. Like, your hands hit weird and you only caught part of his palm and it didn’t really even make a sound. That is going to be this guys' eternal impression of you. At your wedding to his daughter, this dad will get drunk and be like "Really?! This guy? Dude, can’t even high five right." Then he'll turn to his daughter and be all like "You should have married Mark. NOW that was a guy who could high five."

We all have had bad high five days. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can pull one off when the stakes are this high. You’ll get rattled and choke. I’ve seen it happen a million times. Don’t be THAT guy.

The Fist Bump

A good fist bump between bros can solidify friendship and respect. But you know who isn’t your bro? Your girlfriend's dad. He is pretty much the antithesis of your bro. And as far as first impressions go, he will see your outstretched fist not as a peace offering, but as a sign of aggression. Next thing you know, you’re in a full-out brawl with him on the front porch. They neighbors will come out and, having always secretly hated their neighbor (your girlfriends’s dad), they will take your side in the fight. Next thing you know, you've committed murder. Don’t be THAT guy.

A Handshake That Then Turns into a Hug Where You Are Rubbing His Back

You went in for the handshake and everything was going great. But then you began to worry that the handshake had gone on too long. He wasn’t letting go and you didn’t want to be the first to concede, so you threw a Hail Mary and pulled him in for a hug. But he called an audible and hugged you back even harder. Your only move then was to double down and start rubbing and patting his back. You’ve been in this hug for 6 days now. Your girlfriend broke up with you and left. You’ve lost your job. Your friends and family won’t talk to you anymore. This awkward back-rubbing hug is your new relationship now. This is where you live. This is your new home. You lost everything because of this hug. Don’t be THAT guy.

The Limp Fish Handshake

We’ve all been there before. You go in for a handshake with the father of the mother of your future children and suddenly you remember you surgically replaced your hand with a fish. But it’s too late, and now he's shaking your limp fish hand and you can do nothing about it. The only consolation is that at least you didn’t go in for a left handed handshake like some type of sociopath weirdo freak. At least you’re not THAT guy.

High Five, And Then Go For The Down Low (Too Slow) And When He Misses Your Hand Look Him Directly In The Eyes And Say "I’m F*cking Your Daughter"

Nah, actually go ahead and do this. You only live once.